One month ago, on October 29, 2016, my mother died.

It’s weird, but I can’t explain how. It’s not really that time has gone by quickly. It’s more that it feels like time has stopped, and so the fact that it has continued on seems strange. The world moves on, and I remain in the same moment.

It’s more than a little to do with the fact that I’m still in California. I haven’t even been to my apartment in Washington yet (but thanks to my friends, my stuff lives there at least). I feel like my whole life is on hold until I can get to a more permanent place. It’s not, of course, but part of me can’t really start to cope with this until I’m behind my own locked door.

On a related topic, the death certificates finally came today. I had to go to the mortuary to find out what was taking so long, and I guess they got misplaced in the shuffle of the holiday. But now I can start to call people and cancel things and transfer other things.

The bank lady was so bouncy and peppy. I don’t think she put together the dissonance of me saying I needed to close my mother’s account while sliding her death certificate across the table and her responding with a bubbly “How’s your day going so far today??”

ksbp

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